Well, hello! Welcome back! I think we all know what time it is: I'm a literary asshole! Yes, I would like to offer book recommendations in the world's most drunken advice column. I am your host, Kristen Arnett and I have never met a Margarita that I didn't like. enough sun to roast fresh fruit, tequila, chicken? It must be July in Florida.
Writing advice columns in sleazy literary gossip means we have never really exhausted the questions. Today, there are a few wild things packed with. I don't think you'll be disappointed… 👀
Now, turn on the blender, pour in some chilly glasses, then sit back and relax and have fun.
1) This is strange, dad. I've been friends with another writer (Let's call him J and call him J) for almost three years. I met J at the writing workshop. We didn't think of short fiction and novels, according to the same workshop group, but they ended up bonding. Some of the best stories I've ever experienced about what I've written! When we returned to each city (the other side of the country), we continued to email and text each other. I really feel seen as an artist and I know they felt the same way. We started exchanging jobs for feedback. It was amazing. I really feel that my writing has improved. But then something changed. Over the past six months or so, J has pulled back. In fact, at the time of this submission to you, I have not heard from them for nearly a month. They don't respond to anything (but we're also friends on social media and they post constantly so we know they're there… alive). Are I beginning to feel like I'm a ghost? This is odd as we're not dating. It's all just writing. Are they people you don't like? Or am I an uncaring person?
Ah, friends. It must have really hurt your feelings!
Writing is a very personal act, and when shared with others, it becomes even more vulnerable. It must have felt very special to find this person who you felt shared your artistic sensibility. When we come across someone like this, we are incredibly seen and treasured. We feel we hold it. Communities are important in artistic practice for this reason. That's valuable.
So you must have felt bad for this person you considered a friend to be a “ghost.” Because at this point, despite posting them on social media, they don't tell you what's actually going on in your personal life (we were all there. It could be very serious, and I don't know if it could have happened between you two – you may not recognize it as a problem, but in the end they decided to give your relationship some space.
what can That means you're not an asshole to grieve about this. Grieving this relationship. Even if it wasn't romantic, it was still personal and special. And allow yourself to move forward. Don't discourage this from sharing your work with others in similar abilities.
I'm not someone who really believes in “closure” when coming from others (it has to come from ourselves, no one else can give it to us), but if you need to, you can always reach out to someone else to gently ask someone else what could have caused the rift. It is possible to learn what you are uncomfortable with (be careful). People simply leave our lives because they no longer want to share space with us. But I guarantee that there are others who can and will offer this same kind of love for you and your work. Sad, friends. But in the end, they give themselves grace and move on.
Two more margaritas? Certainly, why not! I said that and the extra tequila was shot for me. Let's take a look at the following questions:
2) I get burned out like about 30,000 words whenever I reach the midpoint of a writing project. I always start with high hopes. I tell everyone about it and get really excited, but in the end I'll burn halfway through and try again.
This is completely normal and not a behavior I hate!
I take a (small) detour here and use myself as an example to let you know you're not alone. I have found myself excited about the outlook for a new writing project many times. It glitters and shines with something brand new, promises. I'm drawn to it and want to be basked in the glow of it all. But once you reach a tough, chewy center, things can sometimes start to lose their sparks. The fact in question is that writing is not easy. It is called practice for a reason. In light of this, I give you some practical ideas to go past this particular hump:
- If you realize you are giving yourself when you get to the middle, then a new practice will probably help you. Normally, when you outline, you will be allowed to fly in a new, unknown direction. If it is usually not in shape, give a particularly detailed map. Changing direction can activate your creative brain in new and exciting ways.
- Wait for people to talk to you about what you're really excited about. Please allow yourself to experience it alone for a while. Sometimes we already feel a failure there and wait on the wings. If you're just thinking about this project, when things go crazy, it can only be you. It's less stressful and reduces interests. If you have fewer eyes involved, you may be able to pass through your muscles without worrying about disappointing others.
- Understand that not every project will turn into “something.” But that's not a bad thing! Whenever we sit to write, we are developing writing muscles, so we do a good job. When writing these practice projects, ask yourself that you are ultimately moving towards the book you are actually going to write.
To leave, I also say this: When a project is really cooked, the themes and ideas, and the throughlines become almost obsessive. If you can't stop thinking about a topic, you can move the middle. Good luck, friends! You have this.
I'm ready to hit the margarita smash straight from the blender! Go down the hatch and check out the final caller for the day.
3) This is annoying, but what can you do about “dislike” parents who talk non-stop about using AI? My mother is very well-meaning and I love her, but whenever I talk about my writing, she immediately advises how to streamline my work using ChatGpt etc. Rather than saying what I mean, I immediately start a fight and we don't go anywhere.
woooooooo.
Listen, I feel your pain. At this point, we were all in some sort of social situation where we had to protect our technology against the fear of AI, even those who were screaming, not our parents. It's the plague. It's everywhere. People who use these things in their work are angry at those who dare to object to their usefulness, so I am sure they will receive very strange and very mean emails about my approach to this question.
There is no answer I can give you. But I can calmly answer that the beauty and joy of my art is to make it, and that it helps me not in the end result but in getting me to stop talking about using AI for my work. Will they stop them from telling me how they can help? No, it's not.
Do you think we need to have these arguments regardless of this fact? yes i will.
This is one of the few times to hear me (just anyway) that AI needs to be actively at odds with people who tell you that it doesn't harm anyone. Feel free to discuss it! you should! Tell your mom that she's wrong (because she is). It's annoying and infuriating, but it's important.
Normally I think I'm finished drinking, but good lord, I'm going to go and make myself a different pitcher! Next time we answer more of your great questions, I will try to drink a beer through the snorkel.
On a whim,
father
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Are you worried that you're a literary asshole? Please email Kristen@lithub.com or anonymously here.
