Dating apps exploit you, dating profiles lie to you, and sex is basically what people used to do. Can AI help you find love? Think about it.
For a few tech entrepreneurs and a few brave Londoners, the answer is “maybe.”
No, this isn’t a story about a human falling in love with a sexy computer voice. Strictly speaking, different types of AI dating have been around for a while. Most major platforms have integrated machine learning and some AI capabilities into their products over the past few years.
But dreams of a robot-driven future, or perhaps just a growing crisis of dating malaise and loneliness, are fueling the birth of a new crop of startups looking to harness the technology’s potential in other ways.
Jasmine, 28, had been single for three years when she downloaded the AI-powered dating app Fate. She said popular dating apps like Hinge and Tinder were “repetitive,” with the same conversations happening over and over again.
“Why not sign up and try something different? Using agent AI sounds really cool. You know, the world is moving towards this, right?”
Launched last May, London startup Fate bills itself as the first “agent-based AI dating app.” Its core service is an AI personality named Fate that “onboards” users during interviews, asking them about their hopes and struggles before presenting them with five candidates. No swiping required.
Fate will also coach users through their interactions if they wish, a feature Jasmine said would be helpful, while another said it was “scary” and “a bit like Black Mirror”.
Fate founder Rakesh Naidu demonstrated his coaching abilities in an interview with The Guardian. “I’m feeling a little hopeless at the moment when it comes to chatting. I feel like it’s not engaging enough or meaningful enough,” he says into his phone. “We need meaningful questions that we can ask to reveal the true nature of people.”
“I hear you, Rakesh,” a synthetic female voice said. “Here are some ideas. One is: What is something that you’re passionate about that not many people know about?”
Naidu, 28, said he started Fate to address the shortcomings of the world’s biggest dating platforms (Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, etc.). These apps monetize the time users spend in their apps and “literally make money by keeping people alone.”
Other startups, from Sitch to Keeper, are launching across the country, hoping their AI capabilities can provide novelty and capture share in a crowded market. Sitch leverages the power of AI to manage vast amounts of information, asking users to “send detailed feedback on everything from your hair color to where you want to raise your family to the music you like.” Keeper states that you can find “a rare and potentially true soulmate.”
Naidoo said part of the problem lies in the algorithmic approach to matchmaking. At one point, Tinder ranked users’ likability through Elo scores, an algorithm originally used to rate chess players. On dating platforms, this is a Hobbesian proposition. Users with high scores are visible to other users with high scores, and users with low scores are visible to other users with low scores. “It’s very superficial,” Naidoo said.
AI could, in theory, offer another way. Discussing dating with a chatbot can be awkward, but rather than ranking you based on your answers, Fate instead uses LLM to try to find other users who may be similar to you based on your interviews. This approach, combined with an AI dating coach, allows users to focus on genuine connections: “personality similarity and reciprocity,” Naidu said.
Amelia Miller, a consultant at Match Group (which owns Tinder and Hinge), is concerned about this approach.
A recent study by the group surveyed 5,000 Europeans about their online dating preferences and found that while many are interested in AI tools to filter out fake profiles and flag toxic users, a majority (62%) are skeptical about using AI to guide conversations. One obvious fear may be the dystopian idea of two agent AIs leading the conversation, with the humans nominally in charge becoming little more than carnivorous mouthpieces.
But Miller, who coaches people on relationships with AI, says he sees many clients turning to LLMs for advice during those little uncomfortable moments when building relationships. For example, you can ask the AI how to compose a text or respond to an intimate question.
“I am often careful not to rely on humans to rely on machines, because relying on humans requires a level of vulnerability that is becoming uncomfortable now that alternatives exist,” she said.
The appeal of an AI coach like Fate is that there is no risk in revealing yourself (your judgments, your wishes, your idiosyncrasies) to an AI coach. It doesn’t remember or evaluate. Friends do, and asking them for advice can help you develop skills for successful relationships, Miller says.
“Advice-giving is one important way people practice vulnerability in low-risk environments. In romantic situations, more moments of vulnerability accumulate.”
Jeremias has been using Fate for several months. He said he doesn’t use AI coaches. “I’ve found it useful, but obviously there are some concerns. The new generation basically doesn’t have the real experience of actually trying and failing.”
Recently, he was able to meet someone thanks to this app after being single for a long time in London. He doesn’t know if this is due to AI matching, or because Fate simply only offers five matches at a time (no infinite swiping) and, excruciatingly, forces users to write an explanation if they reject a potential match.
“This makes the swipe more thoughtful. If I’m actually saying no to this person, why would I say no to them?”
He and Jasmine are said to be going on a second date after being single for several years.
“I’m so excited because I’m going on a date with someone, I’m wearing a dress, I’m wearing heels, I’m dressing myself so well and I feel like I have butterflies in my stomach again. It’s fun,” Jasmine said.
